"We all have a list, even if it’s a short one, we all have some preconceived ideas of what our Mr Right will be like," says Melvina. “From about age 12, my aunty (known in our family as Aunty Philosophy) had given me general life tips and rules for how to spot my Mr Right. I had an image of my ‘husband’ in my mind and I definitely did not expect to meet him at a Fresher’s Fair.”
Eugene and Melvina met in Durban University in 2004 at a Fresher’s Fair they tied the knot in Berkshire UK in January 2010.
'the beginning'
Melvina’s version:
I met Eugene - at a Fresher’s Fair at our University. I was trying to recruit people and let’s just say he and his friends didn’t make a good first impression. Later that day, I bumped into him and he apologised for being cheeky. That was it – we were officially introduced.
Crazily, I didn’t consider Eugene as anything more than a ‘fresher’; I was completely blind to the possibility of dating him, simply because in my mind I was expecting to meet Mr Right in some glamorous and utterly perfect setting. I was unprepared for an awkward first encounter and the prospect of a relationship did not enter my head – what would we tell the Grand-kids. Yet, a few weeks later, I was the one insisting that my friend invite him for dinner. I called him and he said ‘yes’. My heart was pounding, my stomach doing somersaults – I didn’t understand why. He was just a ‘fresher’, right!?! Before he arrived, I was really nervous, but once he arrived, it was as though we had always known one another. The three of us sat together at a little table eating jollof rice and Eugene and I dominated the conversation. I don't remember what we spoke about but I know that evening I had to give in perhaps ‘freshers’ weren’t so bad after all.
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| Mother's words of wisdom |
Fast-forward a month or so and Eugene offered to walk me home from my lectures and carried my library books. We walked and talked – and really, that was it. I had fallen - hook, line and sinker, for a 'FRESHER'!
Eugene’s Version: What Melvina didn’t know is that I had already noticed her in a bar, a few nights before meeting her at our Freshers’ fair, but she had disappeared before I had a chance to ask her name. The day we first met, I had walked into our university fresher’s fair with a few friends feeling so fly I was literally floating. I checked out a few fresher’s stands and was still feeling like I was the business. As soon as I saw Melvina, I felt humbled. She asked me a question and I laughed out loud to avoid looking as nervous as I felt deep down. Needless to say, she wasn’t impressed.
I hung around hoping to see Melvina again and saw her putting up posters. I helped her and this time she smiled and just then, I knew she was going to be a part of my life forever.
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"We had the sand ceremony, gombe durms from Sierra Leone, Sierra Leonean and Ghanaian food, lots of hip-life music and changed into traditional west African gear in the evening."-Melvina
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A few days later she called me and asked if I wanted to join a friend and her for dinner. I got there and immediately felt at home, we talked for a while and it felt like we had met in a past life. A few weeks later, I walked Melvina home from lecture (in the rain!), we talked and again it felt so natural, like we had forever been friends. I stood in-front of her door, miles from university, not knowing exactly where I was and missing my lecture, but I knew then I was right, "Melvina was going to be a part of my life forever".
‘We just knew’
Melvina: Eugene and I hit it off from the early days and a few months after meeting him, I told a friend ‘there’s this guy Eugene, if I start a relationship with him, I don’t think it’ll be any 6 month thing’. My friend thought I was mad. I knew I wasn’t and I just ‘knew’, that we could have something amazing – and now we do.
During my final year of University, I went on an exchange programme. We missed each other SO much and this was all the confirmation that we needed that we were supposed to be together.
'Project wedding'
Eugene and Melvina: Fast forward 5 years and we found ourselves in the thick of wedding planning! We chose a winter wedding much to the shock of our families. A lot of blood, sweat, tears and spreadsheets went into planning our big day, and it was worth every moment. Our initial wedding plans were highly influenced by wedding magazines, the knot and Martha Stewart.We had a sit down meal arranged in a big stately home, with chair covers etc but half way through our wedding planning we decided to scrap all that .We decided (just in the nick of time) that the key to wedding planning was to ‘keep it real’. We tired of trying to make our wedding unique and instead opted to personalise it.
Our day was fun, filled with laughter, music, family and friends, delicious food, fine wine and topped with festive cheer,what more could we ask for? I suppose on reflection, our wedding was somewhat of an extravaganza! Heck, we’re only doing it once, right? We had 230 very important guests, a sand ceremony using Ghanaian and Sierra Leonean sand, a steel band to welcome our beloved guests, pink uplighters, fairy lights, candles EVERYWHERE, hand-made touches, a dancing entrance, a HILARIOUS best man’s speech, a stunning dance performance by our groomsman, beautiful bridesmaids, one tossing of my garter to the boys, one exploding balloon, one tower of Krispy Kremes and this was before the traditional African ‘Gombe’ drums, which accompanied our change of outfit in the evening!
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| Lets dance. |
It really was an action packed and really fun day. In its simplest terms though, it was a celebration of our *love* and we wouldn’t have changed it for the world.
‘Against all odds’
Eugene and Melvina: We think that our approach to marriage is different from many couples. We had already struggled through some of life’s most difficult curve-balls - you name it, we’ve dealt with it. We are under no illusions that marriage is going to be easy. It isn’t, and I think that helps us not to want to throw in the towel when the going gets tough.
'different cultures’
We both enjoy learning about each other’s cultures – similarities and differences. We both make the effort to learn each others’ languages and each others’ food and we can’t wait to visit Ghana and Sierra Leone together.
'marriage so far'
Eugene and Melvina: We still feel like newlyweds, so feel weird giving ‘advice’, but here are some things that we have learnt so far:
Always show each other respect and love – it sounds obvious but very easy to forget. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ should not be reserved for strangers and giving each other more respect than our bosses is a great comparison.
Keep family and friends opinions out of your relationship – they mean well, but no-one can understand your relationship as you do.
We believe that the grass is greenest where you water it. So we water our little patch – and if one day we forget, then we make up for it the next day.
Going on dates and mini-moons.We decided not take a honeymoon actually. Instead we are taking a series of mini-moons – this way, we hope that the supposed ‘honeymoon’ period lasts forever. We think it’s important to have things to look forward to and to take time to reflect on our achievements as a couple.
The little things-we still leave little post it notes for each other, send cute texts and plan surprises for one another.
‘The ultimate advice’
Melvina: My Mum’s advice was to ‘plan, pray and play together’, and we believe in this a lot. Most of what we’ve said elsewhere can come under this idea. I love it so much that it has inspired my entire blog – Planning,Praying, Playing!
Beautiful couple,God bless ur union Melvina n Eugene.