Ladies Journal; Women and Friendships

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Are We Our Own Enemies?

“She thinks she’s all that.” The dirty stare. The look up and down, with attitude.

Chances are, if you’re a woman, and a black woman in particular, you’ve probably experienced this. And as you may very well know, many black women don’t trust each other, sometimes try to take one another’s man and don’t respect each other.

And these days, it seems pretty normal to not like another female for no apparent reason or not like her because she‘s prettier, smarter or has a relationship, but why is this?

A lot of it is perpetuated through the media. We see it on TV all the time on shows like “Real housewives of wherever,” “For the Love of Ray J” and more recently, “Basketball Wives.” You basically can’t turn on the television without seeing females stabbing each other in the back, screaming at each other or literally fighting, and this is true for women of all races.

Some of us also learn this from our families and our peers. Maybe you grew up around a mom or an aunt who told you that other women couldn’t be trusted or you’ve heard another woman say she doesn’t like females because they cause too much drama.

I was talking to a woman recently, and she raised an interesting point about women who don’t like other women: How can you not like something that you are? To me, that made a lot of sense. Sure, you may not like certain aspects of certain individuals, but you can’t dislike a whole group of people, especially people who look like you.

Wouldn’t life be better if we, as women, resolved to care for ourselves and look out for each other at the same time?

I’m all about women’s empowerment and women sticking together. No, I don’t think you can be friends with every woman, nor do I think you should. You should definitely surround yourself with positive and encouraging women. However, I do think that we can and must be more cordial and more supportive of one another. There’s no reason for us to be jealous of anyone. Yes, there’s always someone else who’s prettier, smarter or more successful, but you have to realize that you, too, are all those things! We need to come together and remember that as women, we have a unique bond that rises above all.

So, what can we do?

Work on ourselves. If you find out that you have issues with other women like being jealous or not liking a woman for no reason, figure out why you feel the way you do. Are you happy with your life? Do you have some insecurities? You have to deal with your issues.

Realize that not every woman is out to get you. I know a lot of us believe that every woman is out to steal our job, man or anything else we might have, but that’s simply not true. Yes, some women do this, but not all of us. Learn to stop passing judgment on anyone you don’t know; remember, if you exude positivity, positivity will come back.

Appreciate the women you currently have in your life and treat all women with respect. It’s the least you can do. In the April 2009 issue of “Essence Magazine,” Angela Burt-Murray summed it up best:

“If we can cherish and accept our sisters as often as we would want to be cherished and accepted, we will go a long way in setting a new tone in our often-fractured relationships.”

Jamie Fleming is a blogger and freelance copywriter for small businesses and individuals and is also the founder and editor-in-chief of a women’s lifestyle blog, for colored gurls. Her blog caters primarily to women of color, but it’s open to any and everyone who wants to read it! Check out her blog and be Informed,Inspired and Empowered.

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