Round Table Discussions; Where the guys talk and the Ladies Listen
Your Girlfriend, Her Girlfriends & Your Relationship
Have you ever heard of a kitchen cabinet? Chances are your girlfriend has one and no, I’m not talking about a cabinet full of knives, spoons and the like. I’m talking about that tight knit group of friends your girlfriend has and most times, the other silent party in your relationship.
This kitchen cabinet serves alot of purposes; they are that whisper in your girlfriend’s ear telling her not to call you when you are on the wrong, they are the 24-hour survallance camera that makes sure when you said you were busy that Friday night, their records confirm you were infact busy and not out with someone else.
This cabinet has the ability to make or break your relationship. Men are not exempted either, some of them have ‘boys’ who may be against your relationship or are anti-relationship friends and they encourage ‘not calling her’ or give bad relationship advice. What happens then?
We all need friends, yet there should be limits to the amount of influence you allow your friends when it comes to the decisions you make in your relationship.
This week we interview a different group of men about what they think about women and their ‘girlfriends’ and what they think about bad relationship advice from their friends.
Meet The Guys:
Darden, 20yrs, Student, Ohio (Single; because of things like this)
Collins, 23 yrs, Michigan (Single)
Paul, 27 yrs, Uganda (currently Single)
Don, 27, Texas, (its complicated)
Mikael, 30,Kenya (Single)
Lawrence, 28 yrs, Kenya (Single)
Samara, 29 yrs, Professional Writer, Kenya (Single)
Mustafa, 30 yrs, Washington DC (Newly Single)
- Has your girlfriend’s friends ever negatively influenced your relationship by their involvement in your business?
DARDEN: Yes
COLLINS: Yes. In fact that is why I am single.’The girlfriends’ started telling my girlfriend I might be cheating on her. I am a people’s person, I talk and deal with many people and on facebook girls write anything in the name of fun on my wall. Well she listened and now she tells me though she loves me we can’t be together. It was a long distance thingy and I have proven it is so hard to keep one.
PAUL: No, not really actually most of them have respected “our” space
LAWRENCE: No
SAMORA: No
MIKAEL : Yes
DON: One time a girl I was interested in was told by a friend of her’s (that didn’t even know me and had met me only once) to be wary of me coz I “look” like a ‘playa’. She did not heed the advice and we proceeded to date for a couple of years after that but I’ve always wondered what a “playa” looks like in the eyes of women. Maybe you can fill me in here.
MUSTAFA: Yes, I do remember one of my ex’s friends for some reason talking’ some real badstuff about me for no real good reason, lol. Even got my ex to start thinking’ negatively, lol. Then, even made a couple passes at me when no one was around…lol. Talk about Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde..LOl.
2.
Would you be comfortable with your girlfriend giving all the details of your relationship to her girlfriends?
DARDEN: No
COLLINS: I would be comfortable if she tells the good things I do for her too lol, but I would not be comfortable if she listens to what her girlfriends tell her about what goes on in their relationships and how they are treated esp. when it comes to the materialistic stuff because she might want me to do the same.
PAUL: No, some things are a no go area even for her girlfriends.
LAWRENCE: Nope, but if it’s like one close confidant whom I know closely and trust them, it’s okay, but not any friend, I don’t want our relationship doing rounds on the streets.
SAMORA: Though I don’t really mind, I wouldn’t encourage it. But almost all women do this, so it’s unavoidable!
MIKAEL: She can give the details if she wants as long as we agree that is nothing that can hurt the relationship.
DON: No. Some things should remain sacred; pretty much everything that is between the two of us should be out of bounds to her crew.
MUSTAFA: Well yes and no….Yes, because some friends are really cool and they know that this is private and between them. No, because there are those friends of “hers’ that once she tells anything…everyone and their mamas will know our private business, lol
3. If your girlfriend’s friend makes an inappropriate pass at you, would you tell your girlfriend? If yes, why and if no, also state the reason why.
DARDEN: Yes I would tell her because it’s the right thing to do and girls are worse than guys when it comes to flirting and it’s wrong because it’s her friend.
COLLINS: I would tell her for sure, it is easier to stay out than get out, if you start having hidden agendas with her friend. Sometimes they do that to test you, ladies are schemers lol.
PAUL: I would, why?? Because it will have to come out in one way or another coz at any one time, we may argue and as she seeks “counsel” from her girlfriends, the friend will definitely bring it up as a confirmation to my actions.
LAWRENCE: Yes, I don’t see anything wrong with that, I expect her to tell me if guys are hitting on her which is normal, it happens every day.
SAMORA: Well, in another life I would have considered it an opportunity! But now I would definitely tell her because my definitions of boy-girl relationships have drastically changed!
DON: This is a catch-22 situation. It may be a setup between the two of them to test my honesty. If I don’t tell her it will show her I am not open with her. But on the other hand, if it’s not a test and I tell, that would ruin their friendship. I guess the determining factor is it all depends on how close the two of them are.
MIKAEL : I wouldn’t tell her on the first instance, but I’m sure she’ll notice her passes over time and let her deal with her.
MUSTAFA: Yes, because sooner or later she’s going to find out. As a man and if you feel strongly/love her…it’s better to tell your lady rather she hear it through the grapevine. Women are like bloodhounds…they WILL find out!! Then comes ‘the question’ to the ma, “So, why didn’t you tell me…hhmm???” Now we’re in the doghouse because we didn’t tell her. So, yes…I’d tell her..LOL=)
4. If you have friends who encourage any negative behaviours (encouraging you to cheat, give bad advice, talk trash about other women) that will jeopardize your relationship with your girlfriend, what would you do?
DARDEN: We wouldn’t have those types of conversations
COLLINS: Would definitely not listen to them because my girl has something they don’t have.
PAUL: I would try to stay away from it whenever I can.
LAWRENCE: She is more important than any of my peeps so I will reduce my hanging out with them if the allegations are true. I want to style up too lol!!!
SAMORA: This is tricky! But what I do when I talk with my boys, I take it at face value! Only a very few can really influence relationship. But you know the definition of piss is relative. Some women hate football hence consider it pissing, hence might easily dislike my soccer buddies! In that case I won’t support her!
DON: I’m my own man and I do not bend to peer pressure when it comes to my behavior. I am accountable for my actions and therefore do not entertain negative influences on my life.
MIKAEL: She should understand that boys will always be boys, but in all that, there’s me, the reason why she picked me and not the rest. She should trust me enough to know nothing that the boys say matter to me unless they are talking trash about her, thats when she can judge me.
MUSTAFA: If I love my lady…yes, I’ll put an end to that real quick.
Has your relationship ever been negatively affected by your significant other’s friends? Tell us about it.
Ladies do you have any questions for the men, feel free to drop in your thoughts at [email protected]
